Shibari 101: Terminology
So, you stumbled across some images of someone tied up, the ropes intricately tied and woven, putting the subject in a twisted (but visually stunning) position, and you’ve been obsessed about learning more ever since, right?
Welcome to the club, I say! And I truly hope you enjoy your journey as much as I’ve enjoyed mine. I’m here to help you feel more comfortable in exploring this newly found interest.
That being said, there’s a lot of terms that you may be unfamiliar with, so let’s break these down and make shibari a little more accesible and familiar, sound good?
Let’s start with the people involved and what their roles will be.
Rigger: The person doing the tying. You may also hear this person referred to as “Top”.
Bunny (or Rope Bunny): The person being tied. “Rope Bottom”, simply “Bottom”, or “Rope Partner” are also used to describe this role - use whatever feels most comfortable for you and your partner.
Switch: a “Switch” is someone who enjoys both tying and being tied.
Just for clarity: these terms are describing the dynamic of the rope play in a particular instance or “scene”, and do not necessarily describe or define gender, power, relationship status, etc. Communication is always a foundational factor in shibari, so communicate with your partner and decide on terms that work for both of you.
Now let’s talk about rope terms.
Bight: this is the folded bend or loop in the rope, usually right in the middle. This is where most shibari ties start.
Working end: the end of the rope that you’re actrively using, usually the other end from the bight.
Standing end: this is the end of the rope that’s anchored or tied down, either to your partner, or an object.
Single-column tie: This is one of the most basic ties and it’s the starting point for most other ties, as it secures the rope in a non-collapsible knot (meaning that as tension is applied, the knot absolutely will NOT tighten up or come apart). It’s called a single-column because the rope goes around just one “column” or part of the body, like a wrist or ankle.
Double-column tie: This tie is used to secure two “columns” together, like ankles, or wrists, or an ankle to a wrist, or… you get the idea! Just like the single-column, the double-column is a non-collapsible knot intended to keep the two columns safely spaced and stable.
It’s a really good idea to practice your single-column (and double-column, too!) ties frequently and exhaustively, until you can tie and untie them without thinking about it. Use your own leg, or the arm of a chair, or a partner, or whatever you have handy. Practice until you can quickly and easily tie both, and know which direction the rope will lead once you’ve tied it. This skill alone will put you in a great position to tie safely and to explore more complex ties.
…and the most important: safety & consent!
Now, these terms are probably familiar to you, but let’s talk about their meaning within the context of Shibari.
Negotiation: this is the conversation you have before you pick up any rope. Important topics to cover in the negotiation are boundaries, intention, comfort level/risk profile, safety and accommodations, etc. As a rigger, I always like to check in with my partner to see how they’re feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally as well.
Consent: ok, I need this to be crystal clear - consent (in shibari, as well as BDSM as a whole) is clear, informed, and ongoing for all parties involved. Full stop. Consent can be withdrawn at any time.
Safe word(s): Please don’t use “pineapple”. I know, I know, it’s cute and funny and you saw it in a movie. Safe words are serious business. Whatever word you choose should be easy to remember, and easy to vocalize under stress. There may be times when a non-verbal safe word or queue is a good idea. I’ve had partners who get lost in the experience of rope and go non-verbal, so having a non-verbal queue is important. The “traffic signal” safe words are a good starting point - green means all good, continue, yellow means ease up or adjust something, and red of course means STOP.
Check-in: this is just a quick verbal check or it can be as simple as a physical touch both during and after rope play to make sure everyone is feeling good and doing ok. Make these a part of your practice from the beginning.
Cutter: something to cut the rope in case of emergency. The most common cutters are medical safety shears, but there are other styles of cutters that work just as well (and sometimes better). The important thing is to have your cutter on your person (if you’re the rigger).
After Care: This is what happens after the rope play has concluded, but it’s an important part of the entire experience. It can be anything that works for everyone involved - cuddling, snacks, conversation… I once had a partner who wanted a beer and two episodes of The Big Bang Theory for aftercare. It’s whatever feels right to the players involved, and it matters. So do it.
In conclusion
I want you to know that regardless of how uncomfortable or awkward you may feel as you start your journey into shibari, you’re allowed to be new, you’re allowed to ask questions, and you’re allowed to grow. The best shibari practitioners are always learning and always practicing. You are safe here, and I’m always happy to help and support you.
